Last week I attended a meeting at Yale and had planned to spend the
weekend with Matt and Alex in
New York, flying back on Monday (the 3rd). When the opportunity to
attend a relevant meeting at MIT today and tomorrow came up, I knew I
had two options: vote early or fly back as planned on Monday, vote
Tuesday morning and fly back to the east coast Tuesday night. I hate
flying, but I’d endure two extra trans-continental flights to make sure
my vote was cast. Voting for Obama was important to me because he seemed
to offer a significant change from the past eight years, a change I and
(apparently) many others are hungry for. But far more important to me
was voting No on California Proposition 8.
On the ballot Proposition
8 was
titled “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry”. Proponents
say that Proposition 8 pushes back against `“activist
judges” <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judicial_activism>`_ who are
thwarting the democratic process by ruling in May that same-sex marriage
is legal. This of course ignores the fact that the California State
Legislature passed legislation with the same effect, only to be vetoed
by Governor Schwarzenegger. Perhaps the problem is activist governors,
as well, who also dare to exercise checks as well as balances.
I was able to vote early, and while doing so had a visceral reaction
when I marked my ballot No on Proposition 8. It wasn’t until I was
there in the voting booth that I really felt “This is about me — this is
about whether the love I feel is ‘good enough’. This is about whether I
am as welcome in California as I thought.” I was hopeful but anxious
over the weekend, and I knew the vote would be close.
So I spent yesterday at the Science
Commons’ office, trying to be productive
and distract myself from election news, and spent the evening at a
colleague’s home watching returns. Good wine, amazing food and good
company made the celebratory mood surrounding the presidential returns
even better. I left Indiana about 18 months ago and it was with a degree
of pride and disbelief that I watched it remain “too close to call”
throughout the evening. When I went to bed last night the California
polls had been closed for an hour and the election had been called for
Obama. An impromptu street party had broken out in the Castro and R was
on his way out to participate in the revelry. No word on Proposition 8.
This morning the news was not good. With 99.5% of precincts reporting
Proposition 8 looked like it might be successful. Throughout the day I
attempted to pay attention to the meeting I was attending, but kept
getting drawn back to the Secretary of State’s website to look at the
numbers. And the numbers this morning were prescient: Proposition 8 has
passed, 52.5% voting in favor, 47.5% voting against, a gulf of just over
500,000 votes.
I could take comfort in the fact that our President elect seems to be
more interested in thinking issues through than shooting from the hip. I
could take comfort that the vote in favor was 52.5% instead of the 60%
who voted for a similar law a decade ago. I could take comfort that
Connecticut recently legalized same-sex marriage, which seems to me to
point the direction things are moving. But it’s difficult to find the
silver lining here.
At the end of the day, this effects me, my relationship, and my friends.
The ripples aren’t limited to any romantic relationship, either. Last
month I logged on to Facebook to find that a professional acquaintance
was marked as “attending Fasting In Support of Proposition 8”. This
individual is someone I respect and enjoy collaborating with who does
not live in the state of California (he, like many opponents of
Proposition 8, lives in Utah). I consider him an educated man. He
supported Obama for President and I guess I don’t want to believe that
people “on our side” can also be “on their side”. In my faith tradition
fasting is what one does when they really want to call down the power of
God on their side, and seeing this applied to Proposition 8 was quite
discomfiting. In the past I’ve enjoyed my interactions with this person
and now I’m not really sure how to engage with him at any level.
So should this individual have opposed Proposition 8 just to preserve
our working relationship? Absolutely not. I’m simply pointing out that
the ripples are there.
From Cambridge it appears there’s a lot of anger, but I really think
this masks a well of hurt and sadness. The “Yes on 8” folks ran a
fear-mongering campaign that held up the specter of “the homosexual
agenda” being taught in public schools while simultaneously saying gay
marriage is unnecessary — that separate is equal. If civil unions or
domestic partnerships are de facto “marriage”, what difference do you
expect to see in the education system? And for queer people everywhere,
this is just another instance where we’re told we’re flawed, imperfect,
broken. No matter how many times you pick yourself up, it still hurts to
be knocked down.
Right now R is on his way to join a candle light vigil at City Hall. I’m
very frustrated to be so far away and unable to participate. As I think
about it this just demonstrates why what I have in San Francisco is so
important, so special. I have a family of choice that loves and supports
me without condition or constraint. It’s important for me to remember
this as I grieve yet another rejection, yet another hurt. I guess I can
also work on having compassion; it must be terrifying and depressing to
live with a world view that believes someone else’s relationship has the
power the destroy society. But above all I need to remember that the
“Yes on 8” people don’t get to decide who I love or how I express that.
| date: | 2008-11-05 19:52:45 |
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| wordpress_id: | 643 |
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| layout: | post |
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| slug: | the-day-after |
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| comments: | |
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| category: | gay, my life, politics |
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| tags: | obama, prop 8, voting |
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