Friday night Garrett and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary. We’ve now
been together, “Nathan and Garrett”, “Garrett and Nathan”, “Us”, for
1,095 days. I guess I wanted to take a moment to just acknowledge what
the past three years has been like for me.
From the start my relationship with Garrett has been different from past
relationships. I didn’t go into it thinking of a long term committment:
he was getting ready to move to Mississippi for a year-long internship,
and I had just started a new job. I thought I had the world on a string:
I had a job I liked, a red sports car, and a fabulous apartment in
downtown Fort Wayne. I thought it would be a summer fling, something to
occupy my attention until school started again. What I didn’t know it in
the beginning is that Garrett could be the missing piece in that
equation. Actually, Garrett was the missing piece in my life: the stuff
I thought made me “successful” was, well, just stuff.
I should have known it would be different with Garrett: the first time
he spent the night, I told him “you know, I’ve always wanted to be a
writer.” I had never confessed that to anyone before. I had never
expressed doubts that my “calling”, my passion, was programming and
computing. I wish I could say that my ability to confess that to Garrett
signaled a new dawn of honesty and intimacy for me, but that came much later.
More than anything else, the thing that strikes me about Garrett is his
unwavering belief in me and us. Over the past year, as I’ve struggled
with the questions of “what should I do with my life?” and “why am I
here, in this place?” he’s been a continual support. He’s encouraged me
to seek help where I needed it, expressed confidence in my ability when
I doubted it, and somehow always known what I need to hear. When I get
bogged down with a need to find the “right” answer to a question,
Garrett’s there to remind me that there may not be a “right” answer.
Has our relationship been without trial or confrontation? Of course not.
But I’m so grateful that we’ve both valued what we have enough to sit
down, talk it out, work it out. And today, I feel like Garrett is my
true soul-mate, my partner in crime, my co-conspirator in life. We’re
not there yet, but the intimacy we’re building, the language of shared
experience, is worth anything I’ve had to sacrifice. And what I’ve found
out about myself, well, that’s been worth the pain, soul-searching and
introspection. Thank you, Garrett; I love you.